PURSE AND NECKLACE PARTY AT MY PLACE!!

I AM HAVING MY LAUNCH SHOW FOR PARADE OF PURSES AT MY HOUSE. THATS RIGHT ALL, I HAVE STARTED A NEW ADVENTURE. DECIDED I NEEDED SOMETHING TO DO TO GET ME OUT OF THE HOUSE, MAKE SOME MONEY SO JAC DOESN'T KEEP TELLING ME TO STOP BUYING STUFF, AND WHAT A BETTER THING FOR KEL TO DO THEN SELL SOMETHING SHE IS OBSESSED WITH!!!! PURSES, PURSES, PURSES!!! I HAVE BEEN TO MANY A PURSE PARTIES AND I LOVE LAROBYN'S STUFF. SHE GETS THE CUTEST BAGS AND THEY ARE ALL UNDER $40. CAN'T BEAT THAT!!
SO COME AND SEE ALL THE MUST HAVES FOR THIS FALL/WINTER, OR JUST COME BOOK YOUR OWN SHOW SO YOU CAN EARN FREE STUFF!!! MY CUTE FRIEND MICHELLE WILL ALSO BE HERE SELLING HER OH SO CUTE NECKLACES.
SO, LOTS OF FOOD, PURSES, AND NECKLACES!!! YOU NEED TO BE HERE!!
NEXT TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 3RD FROM 6:30 TO 8:00, OPEN HOUSE STYLE
EMAIL ME IF YOU NEED MY ADDRESS
KELS2396@YAHOO.COM

TWO OF US DRIVING NO WHERE

Sunday the 11th is my Budah's birthday. WOW! It seems like yesterday we were going on our first date exactly thirteen years ago. We had our first date the week of Jac's birthday. That is why I LOVE Fall so much. The chill in the air, the smell of the leaves and the temperature changing. AHHHHHH!!!
Jac and I have been on MANY road trips together. Gosh, I don't even think I can count them. We LOVE driving together and the anticipation of getting to our destination. Which is usually Southern Cali where we can bake in the sun, well, I can while Jac surfs, and smell the sea air, feel that cool, oh so needed sea spray, and sit and watch some of the most amazing sunsets imaginable.
Every time I hear The Beatles song two of us, I think of me and Jac and our road trips. We LOVE that song and it has kind of become "our" song. We have so many, but that one always makes me smile and think about him and I in the Jetta or the Jeep driving somewhere, or no where at all. We haven't been on too many road trips with the kiddies, but they are getting older and we are planning lots and lots of trips for the future.
Jac is my heart and I LOVE him so much. He works SOOOOOOOOOOO HARD all the time to support our family. He is an AMAZING photographer and has so many other great talents. Oh, and he is so damn good looking it is kind of sick:) I am one lucky girl to have him and I thank him for such a wonderful love and life we have.
This morning I was sitting at the dining room table checking my email and I looked into the kitchen through the little cut out and I started to cry. My sweet Jac and our two adorable kiddies were singing and dancing to Danzig of all things, but we were all together. How did I get so lucky? Why did I get him? How did we get the two of them? I thank God everyday for my sweet little family and all our blessings.
So, to my Budah, which I call him that not because he looks like Budah, but because his motorcycle makes that deep BUDAH BUDAH sound, anyway, to my Budah, I love you with everything I have. You are the most amazing husband, father and best friend a girl could ever ask for and I thank you for loving me. I know it is a challenge sometimes, but we work and I cherish you. Happy BIrthday Jac!!!

HIGH'S AND LOW'S, WHAT ARE YOURS?!?!?

What are your highs and lows? Meaning, what gives you that Euphoria, that combustion in your chest, the ORGASM if you will, that you need to scream out loud or you are going to burst feeling. And what are you lows? What causes you physical pain, and makes your chest ache. Causes your eyes to burn with tears that just won't flow. We all have them, or l do anyway. I love to sit and look at others and wonder what theirs are. I am a people watcher. So, if you catch me staring, I am probably just trying to figure you out. Not judging, just wondering.
So, what are your highs? Mine, are pretty simple and surfaced I would say. But they are mine and that is all that matters.
The first time Jac kissed me and held me. I felt safe, love, lust, and just bliss. I thought I had felt that from a guy before, but nope! He was the first and the last, and I am so happy to say that I still feel this way with him after 13 years. He has my heart and always will.
When I walked out my parents back door that bright, crisp, amazing Christmas morning and there was my GORGEOUS white, spankin' new VW Jetta. Jac gave me my first car, it was mine. ALL MINE and l loved that car!
The day l found out I was preggers with Ele. Best day. I thought I was going to explode with happiness! Couldn't wait to tell the world.
The day she was born. No words can explain the relief of pain, anxiety and just true euphoria it was. Seeing her beautiful little alien face for the first time. Hearing that cry. holding her close to me for the first time. Watching Jac fall in love all over again. So amazing.
The day I walked off the airplane at JFK airport in New York City. l had dreamed about going there my whole life, and finally did.
Walking into to Tiffany's on 5th avenue, WOW! My dream for so many years. Jac taking me up to the 5th floor and letting me pick out a treasure to remember my first trip to NYC and Tiffany's by. Which I wear on my middle right finger every day.
Phin's arrival. SUCH a long, hard, sick pregnancy with him, and seeing him, holding him, loving him for the first time. Finding out his breathing was alright. Having Ele come to the hospital to meet her baby brother for the first time. Seeing Jac hold his "Jr." I was complete. My little family.
Those are just a few of my highs. So many more I could write about, So many from my childhood with my sisters, my parents, my Nana and Papa, all my cousins, and friends. Too many to write about, this post would go on forever.
I heard a song the other day that really made me think about my lows. I love music. I am constantly listening to music. Singing, crying, laughing about songs I love.
I don't believe in dwelling on the past and mistakes, but rather making your life better from those experiences. But, sometimes that is hard. I am not going to write about too many of my lows, because they are just, well, private. BUT, I will tell you that I have learned to NOT regret some of my lows. I use too. I use to think I was such a horrible person because of some of my choices in life. Not any more. I can't live my life in regret. I don't want to be a bitter person. Those people make me sad.
Lows make me stronger. It takes a little while, but I come out of my low better and stronger then before it began.
Losing loved ones, dogs, friends too young, being dumped for the younger girl in high school after giving everything to him, wondering if your life will ever be normal, struggling to be "perfect" in this society. These are a few of my lows that have inspired me to feel the euphoria of my highs. You will never know true love it you don't feel deceit and pure heart break. I wouldn't of known what loving Jac and being loved by Jac would really be like, without a low in my life. The one that when I heard this song, inspired this post.
"Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
you're gonna believe them
and when you're fifteen, dont forget to look before you fall
Ive found that time can heal most anything
and you just might find who you're supposed to be
I didnt know who I was supposed to be, at fifteen" - Taylor Swift
Take your lows and make them your inspiration to have highs. I guess my lows helped me be more appreciative of my life. A good life at that.

THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!!!

The new erasers, the packages of all the pencils and pens, all the cute backpacks, the cubes of post its, and all those darn lunch boxes!The best time of year is when you walk down the isles of Target and see and smell all the school supplies. I LOVE shopping for new school clothes and supplies, and still go with my mom to the mall and get new shoes and clothes this time of year. It also means Fall is just around the corner. PUMPKINS, falling leaves, and HALLOWEEN!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
BUT this year it is really FUN and special for me. My Ele started preschool! WOW! I can't believe she is 4 and going to school. She LOVES her preschool and is in LOVE with Miss Cathy her teacher.
To get her all ready and prepared for her first day, we have been doing LOTS and LOTS of shopping! We spent the entire day last Sunday with our great friends Ashlee and Ellie in Park City, shopping, eating, and laughing. Just mommies and the girls. Ele and Ellie are such good friends and have so much fun together, and I just LOVE Ash! We laughed and talked and just really enjoyed watching our girls have so much fun together. We walked and walked and laughed and chased Ele and Ele and spent lots and lots of money. BUT we got some cute stuff and really had fun!!
The following day Ele was SOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED she couldn't sit still! She spent about an hour trying to figure out which outfit she wanted to wear and what shoes would be best. I am in trouble. She is a total shoe and clothes horse like her Mama. She finally settled on her new dress and cute polka dot leggings. Very shabby chic. She was set. We spent a few minutes taking pictures and mommy crying, more pictures, mommy choking back more tears, and then she did it. My SWEET little Blue looked at me and said, "Oh Mommy, you will be alwight, I will be back befoe you know it!" She is too sweet! I really cried then. Good thing I have such big sunglasses to hide the swollen no make up eyes. We hopped in the car and drove too Miss Cathy's Moonbeam Preschool. She just walked right up that walk way and headed right in. Hung her little Tink backpack in her cubby and was off to play with the toys, and wait for her besty Mia to get there. I sat there and watched my whole world unravel. Remembering back to feeling that little bean in my belly while I would sit at my desk at work longing to hold her. Remembering those LONG four days of labor awaiting her appearance, remembering the first day we got to spend home alone after I quit my job, our times at the park, our all nighters with her poor ears, our sleep overs in mommies bed when daddy is out of town, Oh so many memories and fun times with my Ella Blue! As I made my way to the door with Phin, I looked back at my beautiful little Blue and she gave me that GORGEOUS grin and said," Love you Mama!" in her little no "R's" brooklyn accent. The tears were POURING out of my eyes as I walked to my car. Four years. How they have flown. Did I do enough with her? Did I spend enough time just me and her laughing? Did I yell too much? Did I prepare her enough for school? On and on it goes. I never thought I would be driving her to preschool and dance lessons and singing all my wonderful naughty music with her. I just never imagined she would be mine and be grown up so fast. My Phin is one, is so independent now. He still loves Mama to rock him and sing too him and he and I are really enjoying our three afternoons a week alone. Usually spent either at home lying on the front room floor zooming cars around or at Costco or some shop just me and my boy! I am so in love with my kiddies. I can't look at them enough. They are my world. So, to you mommies out there. Enjoy your moments and time with your kiddies. It does go fast. It is hard for me to let Ele go, but there is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much joy in her voice when we ride home in the car and I listen to her and Mia talk about school and the boys and how gross they are. I actually had a glimpse of the future the other day. NOT looking forward to that! Jac and I talk about the future and how much trouble we are in for if she is anything like her very "SOCIAL" mother. HEEEHEEEE!
Now I cherish my weekends home with Jac and the kiddies so much more. making breakfast and singing and dancing in the kitchen. My cup runneth over.

ISSUES, WE ALL GOT 'EM!

I have been trying to find a way to write about my experience with postpartum depression for a while, and how hard of a year my family has had because of it. I am still really struggling, but with the GREAT meds, and support from my family and friends, I make it some how. Jac has really taken the brunt of my depression, and I thank him so much for his love, HELP, and support. It sucks to be crazy! That is the only word I can say that expresses how I really feel. I use to hear about postpartum depression and thought, well, what is the deal? Just be happy! It's not that hard! WOW!!! I can't believe how upside down I felt for so long. I actually had it after Ele too, but I went back to work 6 weeks after she was born, and I think it helped. I have ALWAYS had issues with depression, but I covered them up with my oh so fun personality and just made my self be happy. Can't do it any more. It is so hard to admit you have issues, when you are suppose to be this so perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, and sister of the mormon church. I AM NOT PERFECT! And I am not ashamed to say it. I am so grateful for God and his hand in my life, and for the church. I do LOVE being a member of this church, but I will not let my self feel horrible anymore for the life I live. I have Faith and i believe in the Lord and God. I pray! Yes, to all my friends, I do! I learned from my sweet Mom and Nana to pray. it does work and I know it. BUT, I can't handle the close minded ideas and issues. I won't go into all my opinions on gay marriage and Civil Rights and don't need too, but I don't understand how members of the church can preach free agency, and love one another, and Jesus says love everyone, treat them kindly too, and then write such horrible words and yell such horrible things at anyone. We are all equal and should be treated so. I will raise my children to love EVERYONE, and do not judge others for being different than us. Ele and Phin will grow up being taught the principals of the gospel, BUT, they will also know that mommy doesn't believe being gay is a choice. You can have your opinion and I can have mine. If you don't like mine, don't read my blog! We are all different and we shouldn't be frowned upon because of it, and told we are wrong because of something we don't chose to be. I think we all need to focus on a lot worse things that are justified and ignored in the world. Like children being abused in all ways. Take those issues to the supreme court and quit worrying about Jon and Jon wanting to get married!!
So, to all my mommy readers out there. DON'T LET YOURSELVES LOSE YOURSELVES!!! That is my motto today. Having my babies is the best thing I ever did, but I don't think we should lose our mental health for good for it. I am trying to lose this damn baby weight and get back in shape, but it is hard. I am tired of feeling like crap, and really, really want to buy that pair of Frye boots this winter!! SO, for some reason I needed to put this out there. Maybe it is because I read one of my favorite blogs, http://www.thegirlwho.net and Monica always inspires me to speak my mind and NOT care what every one thinks about me. She is a very talented writer and strong woman. I went to school with Monica and have been stalking her blog for a while now. She has a GREAT IDEA on her blog that I think everyone that has a blog should participate in. Check it out!!
So, in closing, I want hope all of my friends and family know that I am happy. It has been a ruff go for my family, but I am doing great!! I have my down days, and you can tell, but I have great friends and family to pick me up and keep me going. Thank God for meds!!! That is all I can say! I hope someday to be off them, but I don't think so. I NEVER want to feel the way I felt a year ago. I guess that is why I felt the need to write this today. I was just thinking back to a year ago and where I was and how hard it was for Ele and Jac. I LOVE my family more than anything in the world, and will protect them to the death, but sometimes you have to protect them from your self, and that can be the hardest thing.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONKEY!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR SWEET MONKEY!!! Phin turned 1 years old today! I can't believe how quickly time flies! It seems like just yesterday he was this little tiny infant. Now he is walking, laughing and talking his little language. He can say yes, light, and hat. We love him SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!! He is such an amazing little boy. Loves to play with his big sister Ele and just watch her. He is fascinated by her. She is definitely his favorite.
I love watching him with Jac. He is so happy when his daddy is holding him. He is on top of the world.
I am so happy to tell my sweet little Monkey HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET BOY!!! We love you so much!

FARE THEE WELL MY BRIGHT STAR

I had to say good bye to my sweet Dakota this past week. He was 13 and was showing his age really bad. He had lost so much weight this past year, and had just really gotten old. All I can say, is good bye my sweet boy. I have never loved an animal as much as I have loved him. I have my sweet Sadie, and LOVE her the same, but Kota will always have a very special place in my heart. He got me through one of the hardest times in my life. He was my confidant, my shoulder to cry on, and really my only friend in the world at that time. He was the reason I got up in the morning, and would come and butt my arm with his head when I was so down and just sitting in the yard wondering where my life was headed. He made me smile when I felt I couldn't.
There is a part in the movie Marley and Me, when Jennifer Aniston has a miss carriage and she doesn't cry until she gets home and holds Marley, their dog and then she lets go. I have been there. Kota was that for me. the only one who I showed my true feelings too. The only one. I didn't have a miss carriage, but I lost one of my best friends in the world, and Kota was the only one who I felt I could share my feelings of loss with, because nobody knew how much I loved this guy, and I couldn't believe I wasn't going to have any more late night phone calls with him, or sneak up to Salt Lake to spend time with him and see his sweet smiling face. I didn't think I was going to be able to go on, and Dakota knew that. Some how, that sweet dog knew and saved me. I will always think of him in the summer evenings when the wind blows and I can smell the sweet smell of the linden trees in my parents yard.
My heart hurts today as I am typing this, but I know he is MUCH better off. I love you Kota Bear, and I will NEVER forget what you did for me.
I took this picture a few days ago when we were out in my parents back yard playing. It was the last time He and Sadie were together. Such an odd couple. Big huge lab, and tiny, dainty Italian greyhound. They were truly soul mates. Sadie will miss him too. I don't know how I will look out my parents back door and not see that sweet blonde face any more. And hear that tail wagging against the sliding glass door. He was the most loved dog. My mom and dad took such good care of him. He was so spoiled and loved. He was so NOT a house dog, but every time I went up there, he was in the house by the back door on the rug. He loved my mom so much. She is an AMAZING person and really loved him, and I thank her and my sweet dad so much for taking such good care of my first baby.
So, as we have to say good bye to another loved one in our family, I am just grateful for the memories and time spent with all of them.
So, fare thee well my bright star. I will never forget you my sweet Dakota.