Saying Goodbye

Why is so hard to say goodbye? I don't understand. I know that moving on from this life is a good thing, but I guess I am selfish. I am not ready for my Nana to go. I want her pain to stop, and I want her to move on, but I want her here too. She is my heart. My sisters and I have been been so blessed to have the two best grandparents in the world. If you ever met my Nana and Papa, you would understand. They were the most sweet, humble, fun, and silly people I have ever met. I have so many wonderful memories of them. They were such a huge part of our lives. We went every where with them. I can't remember a boating trip with out them. Lake Powell was a HUGE part of our summers and Nana and Papa were right there making it better. I am so blessed to have my Eleanor Marie. Our little Ele was named after my sweet Nana, and what an honor it is too her. We will always have an Ele!
I don't know how life will start again, but I know it will. It was so hard after my Papa passed away, but we seem to be making it with out him. We think about him every day, and always talk about him, but it some how has gotten easier and I know it will with Nana too. I am just not ready to not have her sweet smile in my life. My heart is aching. It is her time. I know that. She will be in a better place and always with us. It is so hard to watch her struggle for each breath. I just hope she goes soon and peacefully. My sweet mom and her brother are so strong. My mom is a machine. She just keeps going. We will be there for her and George when they fall apart.
Life is short. I have had my Nana for my whole life, but I still feel cheated of time with her. My Phin won't remember her. She adores him. She never liked his name, but she loved him and all her sweet great grandchildren.
Yesterday Candace and I were up there with the girls and Phin. I watched my sweet Ele and Ally put their little hands over Nana's sweet, warm hand and tell her they loved her. I know she heard them. She kept trying to open her eyes, but just couldn't. It isn't an easy thing to watch your loved ones pass, but I think it makes us stronger. I can honestly say that in some way I thought they would always be here. I never imagined Nana and Papa being gone. My Nana is a Rock. She has had so many trials in her life that I can't begin to think about going through. She is truly my idol. I love you more than any words can say Nana. Be at Peace. You will truly be missed.