Sunday, September 13, 2009

HIGH'S AND LOW'S, WHAT ARE YOURS?!?!?

What are your highs and lows? Meaning, what gives you that Euphoria, that combustion in your chest, the ORGASM if you will, that you need to scream out loud or you are going to burst feeling. And what are you lows? What causes you physical pain, and makes your chest ache. Causes your eyes to burn with tears that just won't flow. We all have them, or l do anyway. I love to sit and look at others and wonder what theirs are. I am a people watcher. So, if you catch me staring, I am probably just trying to figure you out. Not judging, just wondering.
So, what are your highs? Mine, are pretty simple and surfaced I would say. But they are mine and that is all that matters.
The first time Jac kissed me and held me. I felt safe, love, lust, and just bliss. I thought I had felt that from a guy before, but nope! He was the first and the last, and I am so happy to say that I still feel this way with him after 13 years. He has my heart and always will.
When I walked out my parents back door that bright, crisp, amazing Christmas morning and there was my GORGEOUS white, spankin' new VW Jetta. Jac gave me my first car, it was mine. ALL MINE and l loved that car!
The day l found out I was preggers with Ele. Best day. I thought I was going to explode with happiness! Couldn't wait to tell the world.
The day she was born. No words can explain the relief of pain, anxiety and just true euphoria it was. Seeing her beautiful little alien face for the first time. Hearing that cry. holding her close to me for the first time. Watching Jac fall in love all over again. So amazing.
The day I walked off the airplane at JFK airport in New York City. l had dreamed about going there my whole life, and finally did.
Walking into to Tiffany's on 5th avenue, WOW! My dream for so many years. Jac taking me up to the 5th floor and letting me pick out a treasure to remember my first trip to NYC and Tiffany's by. Which I wear on my middle right finger every day.
Phin's arrival. SUCH a long, hard, sick pregnancy with him, and seeing him, holding him, loving him for the first time. Finding out his breathing was alright. Having Ele come to the hospital to meet her baby brother for the first time. Seeing Jac hold his "Jr." I was complete. My little family.
Those are just a few of my highs. So many more I could write about, So many from my childhood with my sisters, my parents, my Nana and Papa, all my cousins, and friends. Too many to write about, this post would go on forever.
I heard a song the other day that really made me think about my lows. I love music. I am constantly listening to music. Singing, crying, laughing about songs I love.
I don't believe in dwelling on the past and mistakes, but rather making your life better from those experiences. But, sometimes that is hard. I am not going to write about too many of my lows, because they are just, well, private. BUT, I will tell you that I have learned to NOT regret some of my lows. I use too. I use to think I was such a horrible person because of some of my choices in life. Not any more. I can't live my life in regret. I don't want to be a bitter person. Those people make me sad.
Lows make me stronger. It takes a little while, but I come out of my low better and stronger then before it began.
Losing loved ones, dogs, friends too young, being dumped for the younger girl in high school after giving everything to him, wondering if your life will ever be normal, struggling to be "perfect" in this society. These are a few of my lows that have inspired me to feel the euphoria of my highs. You will never know true love it you don't feel deceit and pure heart break. I wouldn't of known what loving Jac and being loved by Jac would really be like, without a low in my life. The one that when I heard this song, inspired this post.
"Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
you're gonna believe them
and when you're fifteen, dont forget to look before you fall
Ive found that time can heal most anything
and you just might find who you're supposed to be
I didnt know who I was supposed to be, at fifteen" - Taylor Swift
Take your lows and make them your inspiration to have highs. I guess my lows helped me be more appreciative of my life. A good life at that.

3 comments:

*WEST* said...

Love this!!

Precia said...

You should write a book! See you on tuesday

Lexi said...

This is great! It is nice to look back and reflect sometimes- but not dwell.