ISSUES, WE ALL GOT 'EM!

I have been trying to find a way to write about my experience with postpartum depression for a while, and how hard of a year my family has had because of it. I am still really struggling, but with the GREAT meds, and support from my family and friends, I make it some how. Jac has really taken the brunt of my depression, and I thank him so much for his love, HELP, and support. It sucks to be crazy! That is the only word I can say that expresses how I really feel. I use to hear about postpartum depression and thought, well, what is the deal? Just be happy! It's not that hard! WOW!!! I can't believe how upside down I felt for so long. I actually had it after Ele too, but I went back to work 6 weeks after she was born, and I think it helped. I have ALWAYS had issues with depression, but I covered them up with my oh so fun personality and just made my self be happy. Can't do it any more. It is so hard to admit you have issues, when you are suppose to be this so perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, and sister of the mormon church. I AM NOT PERFECT! And I am not ashamed to say it. I am so grateful for God and his hand in my life, and for the church. I do LOVE being a member of this church, but I will not let my self feel horrible anymore for the life I live. I have Faith and i believe in the Lord and God. I pray! Yes, to all my friends, I do! I learned from my sweet Mom and Nana to pray. it does work and I know it. BUT, I can't handle the close minded ideas and issues. I won't go into all my opinions on gay marriage and Civil Rights and don't need too, but I don't understand how members of the church can preach free agency, and love one another, and Jesus says love everyone, treat them kindly too, and then write such horrible words and yell such horrible things at anyone. We are all equal and should be treated so. I will raise my children to love EVERYONE, and do not judge others for being different than us. Ele and Phin will grow up being taught the principals of the gospel, BUT, they will also know that mommy doesn't believe being gay is a choice. You can have your opinion and I can have mine. If you don't like mine, don't read my blog! We are all different and we shouldn't be frowned upon because of it, and told we are wrong because of something we don't chose to be. I think we all need to focus on a lot worse things that are justified and ignored in the world. Like children being abused in all ways. Take those issues to the supreme court and quit worrying about Jon and Jon wanting to get married!!
So, to all my mommy readers out there. DON'T LET YOURSELVES LOSE YOURSELVES!!! That is my motto today. Having my babies is the best thing I ever did, but I don't think we should lose our mental health for good for it. I am trying to lose this damn baby weight and get back in shape, but it is hard. I am tired of feeling like crap, and really, really want to buy that pair of Frye boots this winter!! SO, for some reason I needed to put this out there. Maybe it is because I read one of my favorite blogs, http://www.thegirlwho.net and Monica always inspires me to speak my mind and NOT care what every one thinks about me. She is a very talented writer and strong woman. I went to school with Monica and have been stalking her blog for a while now. She has a GREAT IDEA on her blog that I think everyone that has a blog should participate in. Check it out!!
So, in closing, I want hope all of my friends and family know that I am happy. It has been a ruff go for my family, but I am doing great!! I have my down days, and you can tell, but I have great friends and family to pick me up and keep me going. Thank God for meds!!! That is all I can say! I hope someday to be off them, but I don't think so. I NEVER want to feel the way I felt a year ago. I guess that is why I felt the need to write this today. I was just thinking back to a year ago and where I was and how hard it was for Ele and Jac. I LOVE my family more than anything in the world, and will protect them to the death, but sometimes you have to protect them from your self, and that can be the hardest thing.