2011, will it be better than 2010?!

I have been sitting around the last few weeks thinking of my next blog post. I have so much to catch up on. Oh sooooooooooooooo much! So much that I was stressing out about it. So I decided to just start fresh with the New Year, and let the stress go. I am not a big fan of resolutions. I know a lot of people say that, but I don't like them. I totally defeat before I even begin. So I have decided to just stick with a few goals, and one of them happens to be a more productive and POSITIVE person.Not focus so much on the negative in my life, because I do. I am going to try and enjoy each moment and make the best of my days.
A lot of my negativity is my lack of exercise which causes me a lack of energy and causes me to stay in the depths of this negative, depressive state. I AM DONE!!! I am 32 years old and refuse to become a victim to myself anymore. I have made some changes in my life and am refusing to be this FAT ASS person anymore! And, with the help and support of my sweetest sisters, and my rock Jac, I know I will get to where I want to be. I think blogging weekly on my success will help me stay on the right path. I feel like crap 90% of the time, ad its all just a lack of discipline. I have so many changes to make, and can honestly say that I am so excited for the hard work and the results. I will NOT be posting pics, but I am sure you all have seen my fat ass around, so I don't think I need to anyway. I am so sick of feeling insecure when I run into an old friends, and just sick of looking at myself. But, mostly, I want to be a better example for my minnies. Eating right and exercising is just life, and I haven't been showing them that. I don't want them missing out on fun activities because their mom doesn't want to do it because she might be embarrassed of being seen. That is exactly what I did last summer. Hide, Oh, and a big F YOU to you A - hole I went to high school with that thought it was oh so funny to take pictures of me with your cell phone at the pool last summer, SUCK IT! You are a terrible person! You might be skinny and have fake boobs, but you are an ugly person inside. I hope you read this and know that I pitty you. You know why.
Ok, that's off my chest. Ahhhhh! I feel much better now.
Back to the goals. Here they are, the final ones. I thought and thought about them, and these are it! I am happy with them, and will be doing my damnedest to accomplish each and everyone of them.
- be positive and NICE to all. (this one will be hard for me, harder than the weightloss!)
- back to a heathly weight and lifestyle
- boob job (yes all, I want\need one bad!! And my girls need to be back where they were pre minnies:D)
-house all painted
-house all organized
-wood floors laid in family\dining room and kitchen area
-and last but certainly not least, run a 10k in October. I want to be able to run the freedom run in July if my damn knee cooperates. We'll see, but for sure a 10k in October.
Also, I am trying to post more on my blog. Pics of our family and all the super fun activities we do. We DO A LOT of stuff, and I am so bad about posting about it all. So, there will be lots more on our family fun and vacations. I am truly a blessed lady. These two crazy blond hair blue eyed Angels keep me busy, and I LOVE every minute of it. Jac is such a wonderful father. We have our moments of disagreement, but I couldn't be luckier. He is so supportive of me and truly is my sunshine. Oh, and he is pretty damn good looking and is HILARIOUS!!! We have a good life, and I need to be more grateful and show it. So this is my journey, giddee up!!

OH DEAR GOD! BAREFOOT IN WALLYWORLD!!!

So, I have come to an understanding with myself. My last post stated that I was in a funk, and bitchy, or in the shitter I think its what it said. But, over the last couple of months since that post, I have realized that I am just out and out bitchy! I am. I wasn't in a funk, I am just truly a Carrie Heffernan.(If you don't know who Carrie Hefferenan is, shame on you and I don't think we can't be friends.) I am a super happy person, I love my sweet family, I truly enjoy life, but I get so ornery and sick and tired of things. Just ask the Hubs. He is a bit scared of me at times. A day of errands with me can be some what of an adventure or HELL as he or Candace my sweet sister would say. Just ask her about one of our Park City trips when I almost ran down a pedestrian for giving me a dirty look. Yes, its true. My blood sugar was low and the woman was just nasty! my mother thinks I am HILARIOUS and I can make her wet her pants in three seconds flat at times. But, to some, I am just a handful to be with. I can't let things go. If something is bothering me, I just keep going and going. For example, if you want to see me in full swing, take me to Walmart. I have a love\hate relationship with WALLYWORLD! I just can't stop myself from indulging in it's sweet frugalness and sales, but yet, I get so damn mad at all the insane ignorance that is there. Today, I seriously saw a woman walking around with her shoes off and stored under her cart. She and her whatever HE\SHE was, were groping up and down the bread isle. AND she didn't have any shoes on!! Why? I couldn't help but stare for quite some time. See, that is also a negative with me. I don't care if you see me watching you with such a disgusted look of horror on my face. She looked at me straight in the eye, and I seriously shook my head at her and looked her up and down. AND I DIDN'T CARE!! I so wanted to walk up to her and ask her why on earth would she ever walk around Walmart barefoot! I am sorry, but that is just absolutely terrifying!
Any who, I am just going to come to grips with my true self. My posts may be more "Kellyish" than they have been in the past. My whole world revolves around two blonde hair, blue eyed Angels, that for some reason still love me. Disfunction and all. They and Jac are my heart and they make me smile, laugh and cry all at the same time. So, enjoy my new take on life and blogging. There will still be updates on what is going on here in our house of craziness, but for the most part, this blog is about what goes on in my eccentric foggy head. So, enjoy the crazy train folks!

Making Diamonds

I am feeling pressure. So much pressure that I could be making diamonds some where in my body from all this damn anxiety. So, I thought I would make a HATE list. I don't want to be positive today. I feel like crap emotionally and I am pissy. So, I am making a hate list. I am tired today. Tired of trying to be perfect. Tired of not sleeping. Tired of looking like I do. Tired of running on empty. So here it is. My hate list for today. I am sure I will feel more positive soon, but for today I am feeling in the shitter.

I HATE MY CARPET
I HATE THE WAY I LOOK RIGHT NOW
I HATE MY BOOBS AFTER HAVING BABIES
I HATE THAT I HAVE DEPRESSION
I HATE SELFISH PEOPLE
I HATE PUTTING MY HAND IN SOCKS AND REVERSING THEM WHILE FOLDING LAUNDRY
I HATE MY FLOOR IN THE KITCHEN AND LAUNDRY ROOM
I HATE THE WREATH THAT I AM LOOKING AT RIGHT NOW
I HATE THAT SADIE JUST PEED ON MY RUG AGAIN!
I HATE THAT MY SISTER LIVES SO FAR AWAY
I HATE THAT MY NANA IS GONE
I HATE THAT IF I DON'T GO ON AN OUTING WITH JAC AND THE KIDS THAT I FEEL GULITY WHEN I NEED 5 MINUTES TO BREATH
I HATE THAT 5 MINUTES TO MY SELF WOULD BE GREAT
I HATE THAT I HAVE A SINK FULL OF DISHES AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THEM
I HATE THAT JAC WORKS SO MUCH
I HATE THAT PEOPLE I LOVE DON'T HAVE WORK BECAUSE THEY LOST THEIR JOB
I HATE THIS ECONOMY CHANGE
I HATE THAT I CAN'T PROTECT ELE ALL DAY AND SMACK MEAN KIDS THAT ARE MEAN TO HER
I HATE MY BACKYARD RIGHT NOW AND THAT STUPID CAT THAT KEEPS PEEING IN OUR SANDBOX
I HATE THESE JEANS I AM WEARING
I REALLY HATE READING BLOGS WHERE PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO PRETEND THEY ARE PERFECT WHEN WE ALL KNOW THEY ARE ALL JACKED UP TOO
I HATE CRYING, IT JUST GIVES ME A HEADACHE
I HATE THAT IF I CRY IN FRONT OF MY KIDS THEY THINK SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG
I HATE THE PILE OF CRAP THAT JAC HAS ON THE SIDE OF THE CHAIR IN THE DINING ROOM
I HATE THAT I NEED TO DUST ALL THE BOOKSHELVES/DESK IN MY ROOM
I HATE THAT JAC ROTATED OUR BED AND NOW MY BED SKIRT IS JACKED UP
I HATE THAT PHIN COLORED ON MY CUTE PILLOWS
I HATE GROCERY SHOPPING
I HATE THAT I NEED TO CLEAN MY BATHROOM UPSTAIRS
I HATE ALL UNORGANIZED CLOSETS IN MY HOUSE

AND I REALLY HATE THAT I AM WRITING THIS HATE LIST BECAUSE IT ISN'T MAKING ME FEEL BETTER

LIFE. LOVE. PEACE

I am feeling very unstable right now. I don't like making big decisions, it makes me feel too grown up. So life is a bit lumpy for me right now. But, in the midst of all this "LIFE", I can't help but be grateful. Jac is on a trip. Which usually means me feeling a bit weepy and anxious on the first day he is gone. He has been traveling since the day we got married, and I have to say that I am use to it, but it still isn't easy. And it doesn't help that he is out of the country which means I can't text him or call him whenever I want, and that makes me feel very uneasy. Also, I am PSYCHO! I sit and think of HORRIBLE scenario's all day. Seriously. I am sitting here right now thinking that he is going to get kidnapped by some Peruvian Gorilla and placed in a hole in the ground, with a single light bulb hanging/swaying above his head, and bugs and rats crawling all over him, and I am going to have to go all Meg Ryan and fly to Peru and find him, all the while fighting the urge to fall in LUST with Russell Crowe. Oh wait, that wouldn't happen because Russell Crowe really isn't a PI, and eww, he's gross anyway. Maybe if it was Wenworth Miller or Channing Tatum. Sorry, totally of course! But still, I hate when he is out of the country and it really doesn't help that I read to many books and watch way to many movies:D So, the whole reason for this post is I am feeling very protective/grateful for my family today. My Sis is in town and that is SO GREAT! We have been doing lots of laughing, shopping, eating, drinking, shopping, and just talking. Loudly of course! It is so nice to see her and catch up. I LOVE being with my fam and reminiscing about the good old days when I made all their lives a living hell:D Well, I think I still do, but I try to make a few better decisions, and plus I married Jac and had two babies for them so I think I have a few brownie points to out weigh the boo points.
My minnies and Jac are my whole life. I eat, sleep and breath them. My mind never stops thinking about what I need to do to be a better mom and wife. Getting Ele ready for Kindergarten:( making sure the kids have a fun summer, take care of my sweet budah who works WAY too much, AND trying to keep Phin from destroying everything in his path. WOW! Who new boys could be so much harder to raise then girls. just this past month he has lost my Itouch, single handedly dirtied up the carpets that I just had cleaned, and now his bedroom too. (We are investing in our own carpet cleaner this week) AND he just decided to color all over the screen of my nook. WOW! He is a tornado, AND l have learned so much about how you really can't take your eyes off of him for 1 second. That has a whole new meaning. But, All in all, my life is full. Full of LIFE, LOVE and PEACE. This picture just says it all. This is my favorite view. Better than any beach, sunset, Christian Louboutin shoes, Coach purses, photos of Channing Tatum:D This is my Peace. This is my piece of Heaven in this crappy world. The man who stole my heart and gives me PEACE, my Blue who makes our house shine and gives me LOVE. Monkey who keeps me on my toes and makes me laugh and has brought a whole new meaning to the word LIFE. AND last but certainly not least, that little brown lump on the couch. Our Sadie Sky. She has been a part of this insane family from the beginning. She is our first baby, and brings all this LIFE LOVE and PEACE altogether. My family is my favorite and my best, and I want life to freeze and stay just like this Photo. Them all here in the house, not aging, not traveling, not doing anything but being together. Always and always together.

Ele's Preschool Grad

Well, I know I said in my last post that I am a SUCKY blogger lately. But, I am trying to get caught up. So, I will keep going and get all our stuff on here.
Next we have Ele's preschool graduation. I can honestly say that I think we found an Angel on the earth with our Ms. Cathy at Moonbeam preschool. I have tears in my eyes as I am typing this. Oh how we miss her. Her smile, her laugh, and seeing Ele light up as she ran up that walk way and saw her most trusted Ms. Cathy. I have major trust issues with my children and leaving them with people. Seriously, I am a basket case when Jac and I go on a date and the minnies are with my parents or anyone for that matter. They are my heart and my whole world and I learned after many years working in child protection to never trust anyone with your kids, and always ALWAYS be on guard. BUT, whenever I dropped Ele off to Ms. Cathy, I had this peaceful feeling and just pure trust for this woman. She and Ele bonded immediately and I knew there would forever be a friendship. I don't know what I will do all this next year without seeing her. Phin is already on the list for the Fall of 2011 classes with her. She is honestly the best preschool teacher I have ever met and we truly love her as one of our own. Ele learned so much at preschool and blossomed so much. She memorized every poem and often was the first one to pass them off. She learned all about things that she still talks about and still sings all the fun little songs that Ms. Cathy so wittily wrote. She really did a great job preparing Ele for Kindergarten and we thank her for that. Ele LOVES all the new friends she made at school and has forever friendships from this past year. We LOVE you Ms. Cathy.
XOXOXOXOXO

SUCKY BLOGGER'S CATCH UP TIME!!!

Well, I have a been a sucky blogger lately. Life has been INSANE around here. So much going on. Jac has basically been living in New York City for the last three weeks:( He will be home in a week and then may be off to Peru. We will see. Lots and lots of traveling for my Hubs. We love and miss him every second of the day, but we have been keeping busy. I don't really know where to start my catch up, so I decided to start with Ele's dance recital. She has been dancing with Jive for a couple of years and LOVES it! This is her second summer recital with them. She did FANTASTIC! She is quite the little dancer and we are so proud of her. Here are a few pics of her and her cute friends. We didn't get too many still shots of her on stage, and the video is quite long to post, so I am just posting these few shots.

UMMMM, yea, I didn't do it!

So, I thought I should post an update on the tattoo. I haven't done it, and I don't know if I am going to. I have this little conscious telling me I should really think about this PERMANENT decision I am about to make. Oh, and that conscious isn't inside my head, it is Jac. He is my reason, my conscious, my sanity, yada yada. He was all for the Tattoo, until he started thinking. Why does he have to do that?!?!? He is always thinking and analyzing and researching and making the best decisions. NOT me! I fly by the seat of my pants. See a pair of shoes, buy em'. Cost a lot, WHO CARES!! Deal with that later. Not Jac. He will spend hours finding the best of what ever he is purchasing. That is where we are opposites, but it is soooooooooo good for me. We discussed the tattoo thing of where and what to get. Then, in his quiet little way he listens to me, analyzing and thinking, he said the words I had been avoiding the whole week while planning our date and tattooing. "What if Blue comes up to you when she is 16 or 17 and says she wants to get a tattoo like you? What will you say to her? She will remember you getting it, so you can't use the excuse of I was young, I was reckless, don't make the same mistake I made." "But Honey, I am not telling you not to do it, I think you should just think about it."
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH damn it! He did it again. The voice of reason that I try so hard to defy and avoid. Sneaks up on me and SMACKS me right in the face! So, I thought about it, and decided that I would freak out if Ele wanted to get a tattoo on her beautiful little skin because Mommy has one. I am happy with my decision for the time being. Just like the decision to go back to church. I fought it and fought it. But, I am glad I did. Best friends I have made in a long time and I LOVE my ward. Love seeing Ele singing the primary songs and watching Phin in his man suit in nursery playing with his friends. And actually feeling the spirit for the first time in a long time. I am so happy in my life right now, and glad that I actually made an adult decision and didn't just do it and wait and see what happens. STILL want one, and maybe someday I will do it. But for now, I am going to move on to my next obsession. I don't think I will be posting about it until it is accomplished. So, we will see what the future holds. But, I am excited and happier than I have been in a very long time. Love my sweet husband, and adore my kids, and I am looking forward to the warmth and our family trips.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO instead of getting the tattoo, Jac bought me a new set of pots and pans I have been BEGGING for. I LOVE them! I really enjoy cooking and trying new recipes, so it was the PERFECT gift. He and Ele got me flowers as well, and I ordered a Momagenda planner that I have been wanting. I also got the material cutting board and cutter I have been wanting from my parents and my sister. AND to top it all off, My dad fixed my drawer in my kitchen that has been DRIVING ME INSANE! Thanks to all my family and friends who made my day so special. My kiddies had the flu HORRIBlY all week long, so we spent my birthday cleaning up puke and cuddling my sweet babies, but it was a wonderful day. Jac and I eventually got out on a date this past Thursday. We went to Texas Road House for dinner. NEVER again! That place is ridiculous! We just aren't into that loud ANNOYING servers and SCREAMING line dancers kind of place. I almost started drinking again just to make it bearable. HEEEHEEE! We will just stick with our usual Ruby River or Sundance. Then my sweet friend Jes and I went and got a Pedicure Friday night. Pretty feet. YAY!
Thanks again babe for such a wonderful birthday and always being my voice of reason. I love you.