How?

I don't even know where to begin with this post. It has been a very long time since I have had any inspiration or drive to blog. Sad really. I could gloat and brag about my amazing kids, husband, dog, vacations, yada yada, but I don't. I live an amazeballs life. I know it. Yes, I take it all for granted 80% of the time, but I know its grand. But for some reason, I cannot blog about that stuff. I think my blog has become more of a canvas for my thoughts or rants. Depends on the state of my mental disorder I guess. Right now I am Angry. Terrified. Sad. Anxious. And I just want to crawl out of my flipping skin. Pop a few more milligrams of the old Celexa I guess. How could this happen? How can something so horrific happen to Gods greatest blessings? As I am typing this Ele is on sitting next to me watching Martha Speaks on the Ipad, and Monkey is snoring. Smiling in his sleep. They have no idea the evil that has fallen upon this earth and taken so many little angels just like them. I want it to stay like this forever. I want them little. Innocent. Small. Ignorant to all the shit on this corrupt planet. Sleep with heavy breathing, no fears or dread of waking up and seeing disaster or hate. Why? I just don't understand it. I guess I never will. I just want to protect my babies. I can't sit still during the day. I don't relax until my Blue is in my car, out of school driving home. Home. Where its safe. Please God. Keep these precious angels safe. I know those 26 children and adults are in a better place. I know they are in the arms of our Lord. But, the terror. The terror they and all the survivors had to experience. The sorrow their families feel. Their empty beds at night. Their little bikes lying in the garage. Their little clothes hanging in their closets. Their pictures of their beautiful faces of better times. Smiling. Laughing. I feel so much pain for these families that I have a hallow ache in my chest. How do we prepare our little ones for something like this? Jac and I haven't talked to the kids about this horrific tragedy yet. I don't know how too. How do I look at those crystal blue eyes and tell them that there are such bad people out there that can walk into your school and gun you down. How? I haven't prayed so hard in a long time. I ask for peace and guidance hourly. President Obama's speech was perfection. If you didn't see his address you should watch it. I cried through the entire thing. Oh, and for those of you who say he's the Anti-Christ and he's not a Christian, well, you'd be mistaken. He starts his address out with scripture and speaks of the children coming unto Christ. So how 'bout them apples?! I will not take for granted another second on this earth with my family. Not one. I will make every second count. Love them. Hold them. roll in the snow with them. blow milk bubbles with them. read to them. cherish their laughter and screams. watch barbie and foxy over and over with them. tie shoes over and over. play sponge bob match game and candy land with them. Sing to them. Listen to party rocker anthem all day with them. Steal kisses and squishes whenever I can. Everything with them. Because the whole purpose on this corrupt ball of dirt we call earth is for them. About them. So hold yours. kiss them longer and more. Cause it could all go. In an instant. God is there. He loves us and comforts us. I feel his presence all the time. Especially when I with my sweet minis. I go to him often now and am so grateful for him and his Son our Savior. Hope you all have an enchanting Christmas. XXO

Amazing Grace

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and wondered where do those two little wrinkles in between my eyebrows come from? I do. I found myself staring and pulling at my face the other night after washing my makeup off. "Wow, Kel, you're getting old " I thought. Depression, fear, annoyance set in all at the same time. So, I start planning my botox\filler schedule. Thinking about my plea to Jac why I need it. "I can't look old!" "I already have gray hair babe, don't make me have to walk around with wrinkles too!!!" "I need to lose weight so bad, this will help me feel better about myself." Yep, these are the excuses coming into my head. I am all about beauty. do what you need to do to feel good about yourself. I LOVE makeup and hair dye, and I am NOT against plastic surgery. I would do LOTS and LOTS if I had the money. Just being honest y'all. So, the next thought that passes through my oh so tired mind is, WHY? Why do I have these little dents, wrinkles next to my eyebrows, that I get waxed and groomed every three weeks thank you very much. Well, I am going to share with you why. BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS SCOWLING!!!! Yes, I squint cause I don't wear my glasses and I HATE contacts. My sister makes fun of me for it, BUT the main reason is because I scowl. I have said before that I am a bitch and its true. I am angry, judgmental, snotty, and rude. I am Carrie Heffernan from King of Queens. Its funny yes, and I make my mom laugh hysterically when we're out and I am being my rude self to annoying people, but its now starting to give me INDENTS on my face! Oh no! This has to stop I tell you! STOP!!! I need to stop being mean. But, how do I stop the thoughts in my head? I'll tell you how. Watch your BEAUTIFUL daughter start acting like you and you will stop dead in your tracks. Stop instantly. My sweet Blue. Oh she is so sweet, kind, and fun. But she is starting to be snotty and rude. Why wouldn't she be. She is with me the majority of the time. She yells at me and Phin and I jumped all over her for it. Me, yelling at her for yelling at me or Phin. Really? So not right. I don't want to be that mom. I don't want Ele to be that angry kid. I want her to always shine and smile. My heart hurts while I'm writing this. She is precious. She is a gift from God that I have been entrusted to love, adore, teach and protect but I'm not. I am allowing her to start off her life angry. I have always been full of anger. I feel it non stop. I use to kick holes in walls, break toys, beat the shiz out my sister and now I am allowing it to hurt my kids futures. Wrong. Sad. Terrifying. I'm overwhelmed with distress, fear that they will be dysfunctional, messed up adults. I need to get this crap in check. I suffer from depression, i've complained about it plenty on this here lil' blog of mine. But that is no excuse for hurting my childrens innocence and future. I have been reading my Sis in laws AMAZINGLY honest blog, Angry Mom's in Recovery. She is so honest about her anger and how it affects her life as a mother of four. My other Sis in law also blogs about her journey of recovering from anger issues. They truly are amazing to me and how they're honesty and bravery can help so many of us. They posted about a book called Anger Kills. You can check it out here: Anger Kills. I am so reading this book. Yes, to help with my Scowl dents, but mostly for the three most important peeps in my life. Jac and the minnies. They don't deserve this. I snap at Jac ALL THE TIME! We are and awesome duo, but I have got to be nicer to this man. He truly is a living Angel. No he's not perfect, and he has is "A-hole" moments, (his words) but he is so patient with me. I ADORE my family and will do anything to make their world better. Oh and my wrinkles too:D
So, I am hoping to be better and stop and smell the roses more. Realize I can't control everything even though I sure as hell try.
So, here's to hoping for a nicer Kelly. And too you all for being my friends through it all. I don't know what I would do without you all. I have two of the most AMAZING sisters in the world who hear it all from me and don't judge, They solve the worlds problems with me and we laugh and cry through it all. I am so blessed and need be more appreciative of all of my wonderful bliss.
Cheers friends.

Gratitude.Forgiveness.Humility

It has been a VERY long time since I have even considered a blog post. I don't know why. Maybe its just that life has just gotten away from me. I don't know. I have had a lot of ideas and have actually started several posts over the last few months, but none of them worked. For me right now I am just grateful to be breathing. Life has gotten even crazier than ever, hard to believe, but it has. The Scott's are here and just treading right now. Trying to figure it all out. But we're good. I have just realized what is important and what is not. And keeping up with the "Jones" is not important. My little family has had its ups and downs this past six months, but we are still happy and stronger for our trials. I have mentioned in the past that I am not a very good church goer, and I have my issues with The Gospel, but I am truly grateful for my Heavenly Father and The Savior. Without them this past several weeks, I wouldn't of made it. Grateful for my Faith and my Family's Faith. I am grateful for The Lord's forgiveness and His love that I feel every second of the day. I have so much to be grateful for, and sometimes things get forced into prospective. I have been so discouraged lately, and at times I don't know what to do to not be. I find Joy in my minnies and my family. Jac is a great support and SO understanding. I am very grateful for him and his Love. I have been so blessed with the best family. I have two of the most loving, sweet, and fun sisters in the world, two Parents that love me no matter what stupid mistakes I make, and love me through them all. They are so understanding and helpful. LOVE to talk to my mom every morning. Sometimes she is what gets me going and kicks me in the butt. My dad. Wow. I don't even know what to say about him. My chest gets all tight and my eyes burn with tears when I think of my sweet Pops. He's a man of few words, but every single word of wisdom he gives me, is exactly what I need to hear. I love them dearly and am so grateful for the guidance and love they still give me everyday. I am also so thankful for my friends. They make me laugh and I enjoy our girls nights.
I know this post will make some of you wonder what this is all about. Its about my life. My crazy boring life. I can't explain what is in my heart right now, but l have experienced some very humbling trials lately. And without them, I don't know where I would be. I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but I never knew I would learn so much much from them. I have so much. So much. But I am always thinking I need more. Though its not bad to keep working and want for things. But, for me, it is now more about fulfilling my spiritual wants and needs, and filling those empty hollows in my Soul. Is this making sense? Probably not, but its my rantings and for some reason its making me feel better. I am trying to raise my kids the best I can. It sucks sometimes to watch them go through their trials and struggles. Sucks bad. They are my joy. My light. And my everything.
I guess what it all comes down to for me, is I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to be something I'm not. Tired of trying to keep up. Keep with the "Beer Commercial" life. So what if I like just be at home reading, playing with my kids, making my lists:D I will be me. And that is all I can do. Put God first, and everything will fall into place. Trust in the Lord. Two things I haven't done in a long, LONG time. I just feel like somethings missing in me. Maybe this is it. I don't know. I am content and happy. Just need to feel peace and comfort. I LOVE my husband soooooooooooo much and am so grateful for our 13 year marriage. He's my best friend. Gave me two beautiful babies that bring so much everything into this home. They just radiate Love don't they?!
Hope you are all well, and have Peace. That's my goal for the 2012 year. Peace.

Just because he's away and I kinda miss him. Just kinda

(this photo was taken by Steven Stone in NYC a year or so ago)

Jac has been away for the last week. For those of you who know us, you know that is nothing compared to how much he travels. BUT, for some reason, this trip has been a hard one. I miss him so much! I always miss him don't get me wrong, but this time I really, really miss him:( Maybe its because I know that he will come home for two days, then leave for a week, then come home from that trip for three days, and then leave AGAIN for two weeks. I don't know. All I know is I miss him, and I think he's pretty swell. He is such a hard working guy who adores us, and we ADORE AND LOVE HIM. Oh, and I think he's pretty cute:D

Please excuse the suckiness!

Well, I have definitely sucked when it came to this here blog this past couple of months. Wow, life was CRAZY BUSY! I can't believe how quickly April and May have flown by. I think I got some serious whiplash from the speed of it all. I have been bogged down with all the normallcies of mommy and wifeyhood, with a some added stresses. Jac works full time at UVU as their head photographer, goes to school full time, AND runs our side photography business. So, needless to say, I am a solo Mama most of the time. So, when things come to a head, which it seems EVERYTHING did this past two months, I have to endure and do it mostly alone. Which, I don't complain, cuz, I'm a lucky lady that's for sure.
So, I'm gonna give a run down of what has been been going down at Casa Scott.
April -
my birfday. I can say that this was one of my most favorite birthdays of all time. I had such a wonderful day. I spent the day lunching and shopping with my bestie/sistah Candace. We took the minnies to Red Robin ate some Yum food, and then headed over to Sephora in the Provo Mall. NOT the best Sephora, but it did the trick. I got some new makeup that I have been wanting. So AMAZING! I LOVE makeup. I could spend a week in Sephora and still not want to leave. I ended up walking out with Urban Decay Naked eyeshadow palette,


NARS Orgasm blush, and NARS Orgasm lipgloss.

I AM IN LOVE with it all and I use it all everyday!!!
That night my parents watched Ele and Phin, and Jac and I went out to dinner and more shopping. I LOVE my hubs and enjoy every date we get. He surprised me with a new Cannon printer. I have been needing/wanting a new printer for a while, and now I have a GREAT one.
We had Easter the next Sunday and WOW how fun it was. Minnies woke up to some fun Easter bunny baskets with lots and lots of toys, bubbles, gardening stuff, and a little bit of candy. We made a yum breakfast and actually made it to church.
That afternoon we headed over to Gram and Papa's for a fun Easter egg hunt with my Sis and her family and had a great dinner. It was a wonderful Easter.
The rest of the month of April was filled with lots and lots of play dates with friends, cleaning, school parties, family activities, dinner parties with friends, and lots and lots of CLEANING! Did I mention cleaning? hehehe! My house and my family are such a huge priority to me, and at times I have neglected them. I have decided to make sure I put my family and our humble abode at the top of my list, and I have to say, its paying off. I LOVE things organized and pretty. So, its been a work in progress with a huge payoff for me and my family.

May -
Well, lets just say this months has been ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!! I have had to really reorganize my schedule and find time to get it ALL done. We had lots and lots of school activities, and with me being the Room Mom for Ele's class, I had lots of obligations. I really enjoy crafting/creating stuff, so it was fun to get to make Mrs. T. her candy gram poster, plan a little party for her to present a thank you gift from her kids and parents. It was great to see her so excited. We have been so lucky to have such a great Kindergarten teacher for Ele. She will forever be in our family and we love her.
Mothers Day was a great day. I got to sleep in, NICE! Jac and the Minnies made me breakfast in bed and cards. We had a great day of staying home in Jammies and watching lots of Nascar:D We then went to visit our Mom's. We are both so blessed to have such fabulous moms and we love them both sooooooooooooooo much!!
We had lots and lots of dance rehearsals for Ele's dance concert with Jive. She did an AMAZING job. We are so proud of our little dancer. She and her class danced to "Boogie Shoes". so cute! BUT, I am so glad dance is over until August. Something about this year just bothered me and took a lot out of us all.
We have also been spending most days working on Potty time with Phin. Happy to report HE IS COMPLETELY POTTY TRAINED!!! YAY!! No more dipes for this house. We have been buying diapers for 6 years, and are very excited for the extra $50 a month. We are all so proud of him. He has done so good and is really proud of being a big boy!

The last part of May was just crazy! We had End of year party at school, kindergarten graduation, getting the house back in working/clean condition. I HATE my house a mess. It makes me ornery and I can't function. We had been in and out so much, that things just got out of hand. We also had A LOT to get ready for Jac to leave for pretty much the entire month of June:/ He is spending this week and half in Samoa, then he'll come home for a few days, take of to Wyoming for a week, then come home for seriously three days, and then take of to New York for two weeks:D All the craziness of being Jac's wife.
So, all wrapped up, We had a busy April and May. We are ready for some WARM weather and some summer fun. Ele starts her summer school program this next week, and we are all so excited for that! Something for her to do two days a week for three hours. Swim lessons are on the agenda as well, and lots and lots of camping, California, dinner parties, swimming, and lots of family time.
Apologies for my sucky blogging and a promise to do better this month.
Loves

BIRCHIN' TIME!

No, this is not a typo. I meant "birchin" not "bitchin". I am sure most of you would not be surprised to see me "bitching" about something on this here blog, but I'M NOT THIS TIME!
I am so EXCITED to share my birch box with you all. My sweet girly friend Hannah over at Sherbet Blossom , posted about birch box a few weeks ago, and I fell in LOVE! SAMPLES of beauty products!! They come in a pretty PINK BOX! Are you kidding me?!? I am so in. So, I signed up and got my first one the other day. I LOVE it! So much fun. It was like Christmas and my birthday:D It's $10 a month and you get samples, GOOD SAMPLES!
I got :
- full size lip balm that is worth $12 itself, by Pangea Organics - NEW FAVORITE lip balm for sure
- facial cream with ginger, lavender, and thyme by Pangea Organics - smells WONDERFUL!
- self tanning face pads by Dr. Dennis Gross, suppose to be amazing
- tooth paste by Marvis, it tastes great!(missing from photo, Jac took it on his trip this weekend)
- a mask packed with antioxidants by Alchimie Forever - can't wait to use this!
- free song download by a new artist
- and a brow brush
It Comes once a month in a pretty pink box, when you open that box, you get yet ANOTHER box, ooooooooooooooh! so pretty! And it is all wrapped in pink tissue paper, with a little card explaining all the products. AND you earn 10 points for every box you get which earns you $ off when your order off their website. ITS WONDERFUL and perfect for the girly girl in your life. I LOVE make up, skin products, brushes, nail polish and just about anything girly, and if it comes in a funky\pretty package, even better. Check, check it out!!!

HOW'S ABOUT A LITTLE MARCH MADNESS!!

That is all there is to call March around these here parts. MADNESS!! Ele came home from school the other day and told me that March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb. I sure hope so! I know that saying is speaking about the weather, but I've decided that March is my unlucky month. Screw the luck of the Irish! I have no such thing.
So, with that "positive" outlook, here are my 5 picks for the month of March. Ta da! Let's hope the month of April will be much luckier. After all, it is my birthday month:D


My Camera!! OH HOW I LOVE IT!!! It is AMAZING! It really pays off to be married to a AMAZING photographer. I get all his "old" cameras. Jac gets a new camera as soon as the next one comes out, and I get the used hand me downs. heeeheee!

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I LOVE my Nook. It is probably the greatest gift Jac has ever gotten me. I read non stop. You can get a new book within seconds and they are usually cheaper than getting them at any bookstore and even Costco. AND you don't have all those books piling up.


This saying says it all! I am addicted to Diet Coke. I LOVE IT! I prefer Sonic's with Lime, but will take it any way I can get it. I'll even drink it warm for crying out loud!


NAIL POLISH!! I LOVE getting Manni and Pedi's!!! Best thing ever! So relaxing and who doesn't like pretty hands and feet. I go as often as I can. But, if I can't get out for a treat, I do my own and O.P.I. is the best brand of nail polish. So smooth and pretty colors! If you use their base/top coat, it last pretty long too:D


And, my favorite thing EVER! My blackberry! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!! Jac has an Iphone and I prefer my blackberry over it any day. Too each his own, but I prefer the blackberry. So convenient. I love having the keypad and I LOVE the calendaring system. Helps me to be more organized